http://www.flickr.com/photos/editor/ / CC BY 2.0


Mmmmm....do I smell bacon? Or maybe it's bacon's svelter, dare I say anorexic?! cousin, Sizzlean. Everyone hates Sizzlean because she's always saying bossy, annoying shit like "Move Over Bacon!!!" and reminding the rest of the family how fat they are. Not to mention that time she landed that gig mannequin modeling at The Limited. Bitch!

When I first laid eyes on this photo, I was disgusted. But pretty instantly afterwards, I got really hungry.
I started thinking how delicious this scab would be on top of a cheeseburger.

Oops. Did I lose you there? Sorry. I think I forgot to disclose one very important element of this story.
Yes, you heard me right. What you are looking at is not bacon at all. It is a human being's gigantic, bigger than life, grossly picked off, completely intact, nasty, gag-inducing scab.

Now that you're done throwing up, I was wondering if you've ever seen such a thing? I, for one, had not. Especially not one with so much personality. See the little mouth? It's like he's scowling. It seems he's pretty pissed off that he got picked on.

I really wish a ruler had been placed in the photo for scale. If I had to guess, I'd reckon this sucker would measure a good 5 inches long x 1.5 inches wide. Sorry, but I cannot be sure of the depth. If the bacon, I mean scab, had been positioned standing up on its side, I could have made a reasonable guess. Points off for thoughtless composition.

I would like to commend this scab owner for his bravery. Never in my life have I had the guts to pick off a scab this magnificent. Something about scarring would have scared (or shall I say "scarred") me out of it. Hardeharharhar!!

Unfortunately, I don't know the exact nature of the injury that produced this remarkable scab specimen. My guess is skateboarding. I also am going to go out on a limb here and guess that this is a leg scab. Possibly of a knee origin. I'm happy to hear your thoughts as I realize that I am not a scab expert, nor do I pretend to be one.

In the meantime, I am going to try to erase the thought  that keeps occurring to me of this scab crumbled over a spinach salad.
Like this.....

http://www.flickr.com/photos/dan4th/ / CC BY 2.0


Ummmmmmm!!!! Dee-lish!